Its football team may be a laughing stock but there’s one field of endeavour where Indonesia truly punches according to its weight: public shitting.
According to the state-run Antara news agency, which covers all the biggest issues, Indonesia ranks third in the world for indiscreet defecation, after China and India.
“Around 70 million Indonesians defecate in inappropriate places every day,” National Development Planning Agency chief Oswar Mungkasa said at a World Bank seminar in Surabaya. Sorry I missed the power-points at this little gathering!
Need to know more? Well, China is literally oozing with inappropriate shitters, with 670 million. India came in a respectable second with 560 million, World Bank official Christopher Walsh said.
Walsh said irresponsible shitters cost Indonesia 56 trillion rupiah ($6.2 billion) each year due to “illnesses to otherwise healthy workers”.
If that wasn’t enough to turn Barack Obama off his beloved nasi goreng then I hope he reads this: an Indonesia couple have been arrested for selling the meat of protected monkeys to street vendors of meatball soup.
The popular dish, “bakso”, is supposed to be made from beef or lamb but Indonesians know only too well that streetside soup stalls use the cheapest meat available. Rumours are rife that rats represent unbeatable value, but in East Java it seems that silver-leaf monkeys will do nicely as well.
The couple was caught with 35 kilograms of fresh monkey meat. They’d shoot the little primates and smash their skulls if they were sill alive. They confessed to making a living this way for six years and face five years’ jail.
Just remember these little facts about Indonesian life when Obama visits in June and tries to trot out some Indonesian phrases related to his favourite local delicacies. Monkey meatballs in faeces soup, anyone?
(Photo courtesy of Loke Seng Hon via Creative Commons)